Australia has proportionately more people of Irish descent than any other country outside Ireland. Former PM, Bob Hawke, described the Irish influence in Australia as permeating “the whole of our national make-up”. Perhaps that’s why we love Irish jokes so much…
Take a break this Friday and have a laugh!
Water into wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
The priest answers: “Just water.”
The trooper says: “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says: “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
10 pints of Guinness
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says: “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left walks back in and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”asks the Irishman.
The Texan says “yes” and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”
The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.
Like peas in a pod
Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onloo
ker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?”
The hole dig
ger wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.”
And a few ‘one liners’, courtesy of Irish Central:
- Never iron a four leaf clover. You don’t want to press your luck.
- The Irish way – “Now don’t be talking about yourself while you’re here. We’ll surely be doing that after you leave.”
- Irish diplomacy – the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way they’ll look forward to the trip.
- Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
- Try to say “Irish wristwatch”.
