Lighten up your Friday with these jokes…

It’s been a long, cold week in many places so get your winter woollies on and a hot cup of tea and read these jokes for a laugh…

Husband’s Message (by mobile phone):

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office.  Paula brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife’s Response:

Who is Paula?
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An couple in their 70’s were about to get married.  

She said:  I want to keep my house.
He said:  That’s fine with me.

She said:  I want to keep my Mercedes.
He said:  That’s fine with me.

She said:  I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said:  Put me down for Fridays.

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Sex after Death!!

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: “Marion …. Marion…,” his voice called.

“Is that you, Bob?”

“Yes, I’ve come back, like we agreed.”

“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple more times.  Then I have lunch (you’d be proud – lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then it’s pretty much sex for the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”.

“Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?” said Marion.

“No – I’m a rabbit somewhere near Mildura.”