The conversations of life

It’s all in your mind – your goals are directly related to those of your partner

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They say couples that are truly in love start to think alike.

Well, if new research from the University of Basel is anything to go by, they should amend that sentence to, “start to think exactly the same way”.

The research team at the University’s Faculty of Psychology discovered that over time there’s an interesting convergence in medium- and long-term goals in both people in a relationship.

Researchers wanted to know whether there was a shared link in goals, and asked 456 male-female couples to report whether they had tried to avoid conflict or share meaningful experiences with their partner, analysing how this affected the goals of each individual.

This information was recorded daily over the course of two 14-day measurement periods, at intervals of 10 to 12 months.

Interestingly, the study showed when one person in the couple indicated they were seeking personal growth and meaningful experience, the other expressed similar emotions.

This is also true for responses that indicated they were trying to avoid distress and conflict.

While not quite a hive-mind, this indicates some convergence in goals between the two people.

The study also pointed out this was mostly true for medium- and long-term goals.

“This could be an adaptive mechanism to maintain the stability of the relationship by not being influenced by every momentary shift made by the person,” says the study’s first author, Professor Jana Nikitin.

It just goes to show – if you spend enough time with someone, you’re bound to find common ground.

Now if only those goals extended to the housework!

With a background in nursing, Annie has spent over 20 years working in the health industry, including the coordination of medical support for international TV productions and major stadium events, plus education campaigns with a number of national health organisations. In recent years, she has also taken time out of the workforce to be a full-time carer, giving her first-hand experience of the challenges and rewards of this role.


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