And paraprosdokian to you too!

What the…?  If you’re having trouble even saying this word, here’s a pronunciation guide: pa-ra-prose-DOKEee-en.

You might not immediately know the term, “paraprosdokian”, but you will definitely know what it is.

It’s a rhetorical term, a figure of speech, in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.

It comes from the Greek for: ‘beyond’ plus ‘expectation’ and has been cleverly described as ‘sentences with ambushes’.

Albert Einstein: “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

Not surprisingly, it’s a form of speech often used for humorous effect and it’s  frequently used in comedy.  For example, comedian Stephen Colbert’s line, ‘If I am reading this graph correctly… I’d be very surprised.'”

“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is another example of a paraprosdokian.

Winston Churchill:  “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing—after they have exhausted every other possibility.”

Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay cheques.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. For every complex problem, there is an answer that is short, simple … and wrong

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

22. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Brigade usually uses water.

31. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

 32. Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back.

33. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

34. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

35. When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were both in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.

And a few from some very well-known experts:

36. Oscar Wilde:  “Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.”

37. Albert Einstein: “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

38. Winston Churchill:  “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing—after they have exhausted every other possibility.”

39.  Groucho Marx:  “I had a wonderful evening—but this wasn’t it.”

40. WC Fields:  “Philadelphia, wonderful town… I spent a week there one night.”

And a final piece of wisdom:

“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”