We were saddened this week to hear about the deaths of an elderly couple aged in their eighties found in their home at Palm Beach on Sydney’s Northern Beaches.
Tragically police believe the woman, who was blind and had a range of disabilities, died from lack of care after her husband and carer suddenly passed away from natural causes.
In media reports however, the pair were described as “fiercely independent” with neighbours describing them as “together all the time” and “reclusive”.
Police say the couple had also refused aged care assistance and medical support in the past.
The deaths led officers to post a message on Facebook calling for people to “put down those iPhones and iPads” and keep a look out for elderly neighbours.
But what can you do if your loved one doesn’t want help – or to engage with others?
Fearing the same fate
That’s the question being asked by Stephanie Wood in this opinion piece for the ABC. She fears the same fate for her mother, an 80-year-old widow living alone in a big house interstate.
“I ring most days, sometimes two or three times a day. Still, some days, the only person she talks to is her beloved husband – she keeps photographs of him all around her.”
Ms Wood says she encourages her mother to make new friends – to no avail.
“I send her brochures about seniors’ activities that she doesn’t look at and, when I visit, I drag her to fitness centres and libraries to look for oldies classes to which I know she’ll never go.”
Her mother won’t consider moving closer either – despite a bad fall last year.
It’s a situation many of us with ageing parents can relate to – when do we step in? And what if they don’t want to hear it?
It’s clear there are no easy answers – in both cases.
“Any alternative to how my mother lives now would mean she would be deprived, to one degree or another, of the independence to which she so fiercely clings,” Ms Wood writes.
Using technology to track the elderly
There are emergency alarms and home monitoring systems now available, similar to those in retirement villages and aged care facilities, for the elderly.
Australian provider INS offers its clients a 24/7 nurse monitoring service as well as built-in video/Skype and emergency call systems and a 24-hour chat line for those who are feeling lonely.
But our loved ones still need to be open to the idea of accepting support – not an easy task if they have always cared for themselves.
As Ms Wood says: “Perhaps it’s time we talked about alarm technology. If she’ll listen.”
It’s worth having the conversation – if only so we don’t open the newspaper to read about another solitary death.
