A rape survivor and her rapist have come together 20 years later to tell their story in a powerful video that’s now been watched over 1.7 million times.
Australian foreign exchange student, Tom Stranger, 18, sexually assaulted his then-girlfriend Thordis Elva, from Iceland, when she was 16 years old in 1996.
Nine years after the rape, Ms Elva wrote Mr Stranger a letter which eventually resulted in them meeting again and writing a book together.
Now they have teamed up to deliver a TED talk about the rape.
Reflecting – and recovering
Ms Elva speaks about how she blamed herself and how it didn’t fit with her ideas about rape she had seen on TV.
Mr Stranger talks about how he didn’t consider it to be rape at the time: “I disavowed the truth by convincing myself it was sex and not rape. And this is a lie I’ve felt spine-bending guilt for.”
But the pair, who both have new partners, do have a positive message to share.
“Don’t underestimate the power of words,” Mr Stranger said. “Saying to Thordis that I raped her changed my accord with myself, as well as with her.”
“But most importantly, the blame transferred from Thordis to me. Far too often, the responsibility is attributed to female survivors of sexual violence, and not to the males who enact it.”
The video is 19 minutes long – but it’s serious – and thought-provoking – viewing.
See why here.
If this story has raised issues for you, there are support services available.
Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia provides 24/7 telephone and online crisis counselling for women and men in Australia:
NSW Rape Crisis 1800 424 017 (24/7)
1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 (24/7)
Sexual Assault Counselling Australia for those affected by the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse 1800 211 028 (8am – 11pm AEST)
