Do you have adult children living with you at home?
They come in two main categories, according to researchers: ‘boomerang kids’ (those who left for a while and have returned home) and ‘failure to launch’ kids (those who have never left).
Chances are, you do have one or two of these – or perhaps you used to. In any case you are certain to know someone in this new but increasingly common domestic predicament.
Because it is a relatively new phenomenon, there hasn’t been a lot of research done about it – trying to understand why it is happening, how it affects those involved and what, if anything, we need to know or do about it.
Now, Associate Professor Cassandra Szoeke and PhD researcher, Katherine Burn, from the University of Melbourne’s Faculty of Medicine, Health and Dentistry Sciences have done us the favour of sifting through what research has been done to date – 20 studies involving 20 million people worldwide*- clarifying what we know.
“For young adults grappling with financial and domestic independence, the family home represents a safe haven.”
The lay of the land
The researchers say that, while a growing number of young adults continue to live with their parents or return to the family home after leaving, there is no single reason driving the shift.
The phenomenon is influenced by, “complex financial, social and emotional factors for both parents and children. A shifting economic climate, including the increasing unaffordability of housing in our cities; and changes in social norms.”
The main reason for young adults staying at home longer, they report, is the need for stability and additional support while they transition to university or employment.
When it comes to children returning to the parental home, it is frequently due to the occurrence of unpleasant, unplanned events such as unemployment or divorce. Under these circumstances, the children are more likely to be in financial difficulties and sometimes come back with children of their own.
This return, under negative circumstances, can understandably impact heavily on the wellbeing of everyone in the household.
“For young adults grappling with financial and domestic independence, the family home represents a safe haven,” Katherine Burn said.
But it’s definitely not an ideal situation for them. The flip side is that living back at home is usually a substantial challenge to their adult identity. “They suffer a lack of independence while they struggle to maintain their role as an adult,” she said.
“She found that an empty nest actually leads to a significant increase in positive mood and wellbeing for parents, but only once the last child has left home.”
No picnic for the parents
However, the researchers say it is the parent, in particular, who complain about a drain on their emotions and bank balances, which generates plenty of domestic tension.
Associate Professor Cassandra Szoeke reports that adult children living at home often didn’t contribute to housework and were a financial drain on the parents, disrupting plans for retirement.
“Many parents talk about the lack of privacy and the impact on their social lives, particularly if the returned son or daughter has kids of their own,” Associate Professor Szoeke says.
And as for the old idea that ‘empty nest’ mothers pine for their departed children, it seems it’s not entirely true.
Professor Szoeke says the founder of the Melbourne Women’s Midlife Health Project, Professor Lorraine Dennerstein, studied this concept in the 1990s.
“She found that an empty nest actually leads to a significant increase in positive mood and wellbeing for parents, but only once the last child has left home.
“Other studies have found parents who are married enjoy a happier union once the kids have gone.”
Who knew?
Navigating a course through
The researchers concluded that, while the changing nature of family living situations often led to conflict, this conflict is avoidable, provided that both parties are open to discussion.
“A lot of the conflict that arises in these situations is avoidable if the roles and expectations of both parties are redefined from the outset,” Assoc Prof Szoeke said.
“It’s important for parents and kids to talk about the expectations of the living arrangement, otherwise conflict arises.”
Probably easier said than done. Do you have any experience with this? Feel free to share your own nuggets of advice with our readers, many of whom may well be all ears!
The research showed:
- parents and those who are still married are more likely to have children living at home for longer.
- early high school leavers from families with a step-parent tend to leave earlier and are also less likely to come back
- parents in poor health were much less likely to have children living with them, unless the child was a carer.
*published in the journal, Maturitas (The European menopause journal)
Quotes from an article in University of Melbourne’s blog, Pursuit.
