The most recent Australian statistics show that, out of the whole population, men aged 85 years and over have the highest suicide rates.
I don’t know about you, but yesterday my Facebook newsfeed was chock-a-block full of messages asking R U OK? Some were deeply sombre, others full of sunshine and goodwill, several were deeply personal.
It turns out my Facebook friend network is both thoughtful and obedient when it comes to spreading good messages because, in case you missed it, yesterday was 2015 World Suicide Prevention Day.
The theme of this year’s day was ‘Suicide Prevention: Reach Out and Save a Life’ – the key message from the mental health experts being that if you are at all worried about someone, talk to them —and the earlier the better.
More than being polite
But the R U OK campaign? That’s an Australian thing. It’s a day – R U OK Day – that’s been held in September every year since 2009. The aim is to highlight the need for all of us to ask this basic question (Are you OK?) of the people around us – family, friends and colleagues – in a meaningful way, and then to really listen to the response.
The organisers say research shows that a meaningful, thoughtful connection with another person can make a big difference for someone who is struggling with the weight of life. It can mean the difference between suicide and seeking help.
So often, we greet people with a ‘how are you?’ when we are not really asking the question and we’re not really wanting to hear a real answer.
And it makes eminent sense. So often, we greet people with a ‘how are you?’ when we are not really asking the question and we’re not really wanting to hear a real answer. It’s become another way to say a perfunctory ‘hello’.
To complicate things, we commonly reply, ‘fine thanks, how are you?’ when it may well not be the case. Often we will give that response even when we are in a lot of pain or stress or misery because, well, it’s polite, isn’t it? Nobody needs to hear us whinging and is anyone really interested?
It may be polite, but on either side, ‘polite’ is not enough and the message of R U OK Day is that we need to not only make those connections with people but we need to make them meaningful in both the way we ask and the way we listen.
Don’t wait till it’s too late
It’s sobering when you hear that the person who established R U OK Day, the late Gavin Larkin (who died of cancer, aged 42 in late 2011), did so in response to losing his own father to suicide in 1995.
In an interview on ABC TV’s Australian Story before he died, he said his own father had left notes for his family when he took his own life in which he described his lifelong pain and suffering with depression – and yet nobody knew.
“Could ‘R U OK?’ and that question being asked by the right person at the right time have saved my father?” Larkin told Australian Story. “The message of R U OK? Day is ‘stop a little problem from turning into a big one, because that’s your best chance of avoiding the ultimate disaster’.”
It’s OK to talk about depression
But there is good news, it seems to me. Judging not just from own Facebook feed but from the massive media response and the vast variety of people willing to speak up about it – talking about depression and suicide and mental health is getting a lot easier to do.
Twenty years ago few people would admit to depression, much less speak openly in public. It was still largely the same ten years ago – though the efforts of organisations like Beyond Blue and Black Dog Institute were beginning to make progress, with the help of some high profile spokespeople like former Victorian premier, Jeff Kennett.
Now, it seems to me, after years of chipping away, these campaigns are beginning to have some real success. The stigma is surely finally lifting. Or at least softening.
People are much more likely now to admit to a bout or even a history of depression and having had some kind of treatment, whether counseling based or taking a medication or both. In fact, a negative response to the issue of depression is much more likely to get you stigmatised these days than a personal admission.
Men aged 85+ have highest suicide rates
Meanwhile, as Gavin Larkin’s personal experience with his father attests, it pays to remember that suicide is not just an issue for young people. Professor Brian Draper, the Senior Old Age Psychiatrist in the South East Sydney Local Health Network, wrote only last week in The Conversation, that the most recent Australian suicide statistics from 2013 show that, out of the whole population, men aged 85 years and over have the highest suicide rates.
“With very few exceptions in Australia’s history, annual suicide rates have always peaked in older males,” he wrote.
“Numerous Australian and overseas studies have identified issues such as severe depression, loneliness, social isolation and lack of social support; physical health issues, such as pain and cancer; and loss of independence as being important in various ways.”
Professor Draper says there are well-researched programs for preventing late-life suicide that can make a difference but ageism is a significant factor in implementing them. He says people erroneously think there is less need to act because it is ‘normal for older people to become depressed’. However this is not so, he says. The evidence is actually to the contrary.
It seems it’s never a bad idea to ask, R U OK?
“The message of R U OK? Day is ‘stop a little problem from turning into a big one, because that’s your best chance of avoiding the ultimate disaster’.”
You can read Brian Draper’s article in The Conversation by clicking on this link.
