How well do blokes deal with retirement?

How well do blokes deal with retirement?  This might seem a strange question to be asking.

“I mean, are you kidding? What’s not to love about retirement? No more daily grind, no more conforming to someone else’s schedule; time to do the things I want to do, wear the clothes I want to wear… oh yes…. Retirement will be brilliant. Can’t wait.”

Is this how you view retirement? Is this how you USED to view retirement… before you retired?

The problem is, like so many things in life, the idea and the reality don’t always match up and it seems that this is more commonly the case for men than it is for women when it comes to ‘successful retirement’.

The perceptions and expectations of retirement for men was the topic of Dr Anthony Brown’s PhD, completed last year, and he will be discussing this and other topics in one of the panel presentations taking place in Canberra on 2 July as part of the 2015 COTA Australia National Policy Forum.

The theme of this year’s full day forum at the Canberra Press Club is gender and ageing.  It is exploring what it takes to ensure that the genders are equally well prepared for having the best possible experience in later life.

Brown has spent 20 years researching the experience of men as they age, 14 of those years with the Men’s Health Information and Resource Centre (MHIRC) at the University of Western Sydney.

He says men can have quite healthy attitudes around their working life but when they leave work, there is often a period of “searching around for ‘who am I’ because some of that source of personal identity has been taken away.”

“Lots of guys come through that period, whether it is through discovering volunteering or a hobby or a new role within the family – but they need to find another role that is valid and valuable,” he says.

“There’s ‘dead in a year’,” he says. “Everyone has a story about this happening to someone they know or have heard about.

In researching his PhD, Dr Brown focused in on retired men who felt good about their new roles and identities and were enjoying their retirement. He says it was interesting that, despite these men all having very positive personal experiences, they persistently recalled and referred to the common negative stereotypes about men in retirement.

“Even though they are doing things they see as valuable and rewarding themselves, still they weave into their stories these negative ideas about retirement,” says Dr Brown.

“I don’t think those stereotypes really match the reality, yet they are so strong and we need to tackle them,” he says.

Three big stories

According to Dr Brown there are three ‘big stories’ that recur as stereotypes in the way that men talk about retirement.

“There’s ‘dead in a year’,” he says. “Everyone has a story about this happening to someone they know or have heard about.

“Then there’s ‘the underfoot husband’ – the bloke hanging around the house and always getting in the partner’s way.

“And then there is the story of sitting in a rocking chair on the verandah waiting to die because you don’t have any purpose any more.”

“When I analysed these retirement discussions, those three stories became very clear. Every man I spoke to, at some point, when I asked them to reflect on their retirement, would start out with one of these stories,” Dr Brown said.

“These were men having a good retirement experience, so they would go on to say, well of course, I’m not like that…

Dr Brown admits that he was surprised to discover these themes so strongly played out in his research.

“I had expected to hear about the good times or financial challenges,” he says. “The emergence of these clear stereotypes was not what I expected.”

Finding meaning and satisfaction

Brown says that despite these strong stereotypes, he believes that most men’s retirements are not actually like that. While many of us will know of someone who has had one of these experiences, in most cases it is only transitory.

A key finding from Dr Brown’s work over the past two decades is that the men who transition most successfully into a rewarding retirement are those who have always had more in their life than just their work.

He says women have generally been better at protecting their sense of purpose and identity after retirement through having a number of roles, including strong roles in families and friendship networks.

“Men often approach retirement with mixed feelings. In the back of everyone’s mind is the financial question: do I have enough money? And then, what will I do?

“The message to those who are working is to try to do more than just work. Don’t just say your work is your life; make sure it is not.

“I wouldn’t say every man needs a hobby or to go and volunteer or join a mens’ shed. But I would say, try to work out what it is that’s good for you and that gives you a sense of purpose and satisfaction,” he says.

“I would say to them – enjoy the early days; but know the reality that it is not a 20 year holiday.”

What about you?

As a man, have you struggled with meaning and purpose in retirement? Have you fallen prey to any of those stereotypes? Do you have any advice for others?

As a woman, what have you observed of men transitioning into retirement? And what about your own transition into retirement? Is it easier for women? Or is that another stereotype?

Do you have any other observations of the way our gender affects the way we age? I’d like to keep the conversation going and ideally share some wisdom.